Week Five & Six: Chain Eating Biscuits

We have now completed one hand and a thumbs worth of lockdown. This post is supposed to be week 5, but I think I was in a weird mood for most of last week so this is now a week 5 and 6 combo. The weeks are all blur anyway aren’t they.

For me, lockdown is starting to feel like the middle of a very long and boring half term, but with more alcohol, more stress and sleep deprivation than we had at school.

I don’t sleep well anymore. Don’t know what it is, but just feel like I never wake up refreshed or rested. I used to be able to sleep until like two in the afternoon. IMAGINE. Although, this was when I used to work in the casino so I was doing mad hours, but still what a sleep.

At the minute though I feel like lucky if I get a solid 3 minutes. I feel like I have tried everything and am now at a loss of what to try next. I’ve tried going to bed early, going to bed late, counting sheep, counting numbers, meditating, crystals (not the meth type but actual crystals FYI).

And still, I lie there at 4am asking myself questions like if I became a chaser on the chase, what angle would they give me and what would my name be. And you know what I honestly don’t know. If you already know yours, then please share or if you have an idea for what mine would be then let me know that too.

I went on my first proper bike ride in about 20 years and Jesus Christ what an ordeal. I can see why it’s taken me 20 years to get back on a bike. Firstly, why are bike seats so uncomfortable and will this pain EVER leave? I still can’t feel my bum.

Secondly, cycling on the road is terrifying kept having visions I was going to be bonneted and flung 30 foot in the air, why doesn’t anyone wear a helmet?

Thirdly, does wearing lycra make any difference? Do women wear it too, as I always just see old men?

However, once I was on Otterspool prom I could see why people enjoy it and do it as regular exercise. Specially all the Ket Wigs, all that wind in your hair feels boss.

I did some sit-ups whilst my boyfriend was on a conference call. Not good. Got death glared out the living room cause someone asked if he was watching porn. I mean I don’t know who counts during sex but maybe it’s a thing where they live?

I’ve eaten so many biscuits this week. Why is it that you will eat say 10 biscuits in a row but you wouldn’t eat like 5 chocolate bars? Well maybe you would, I probably would, but what it is with biscuits that you just can’t stop.  Sometimes I will chain drink tea just to keep the biscuits flowing, angry with myself for not buying one of those massive Sports Direct ones before lockdown. Custard creams are the classic, but a little malted milk hits the spot.

Anyway, hopefully lockdown will be over soon and I won’t have to keep filling you in on the most, at times boring, weird, stressful, fun and mundane time in my life.

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