Week Four: We Can Do It!

Week 4 baby; one whole month of eating shit, wearing pyjamas, Carole fucking Baskin and mostly gorgeous weather. Doesn’t sound too bad when you put it like that does it?

I have never been more grateful for good weather than I have now. Can you imagine what lockdown would be like if we were all literally stuck in the house? It would be a nightmare, a living fucking nightmare. Although it would make deciding not to work out for the 5th day in a row bit easier, like, ah can’t go for my run it’s lashing down, I must stay indoors, watch Netflix and eat all my Easter eggs.

Like every other week I have watched so much tele/films/programmes. I watched a film called The Platform on Netflix and would recommend you do the same. Not only is it gripping, but it also has an interesting concept. Without giving too much away, it’s about how if the people at the top took a bit less, there would be enough for everyone, even those at the very, very bottom. Sound familiar?  Anyway, it’s creepy and a bit scary; also, it’s in Spanish, but defo worth a watch.

Like many others I tuned into Grease on Sunday night. What a film, can’t beat a bit of Grease Lightning. As much as I love Grease, it always leaves me with so many unanswered questions at the end. Why is everyone about 40? Why did the car fly at the end? Why didn’t my school have a fair when we left?

I think the best aspect of the film for me is the fashion, so many iconic outfits and styles. As a kid I always loved Chacha’s and Rizzo’s dresses at the dance, still kinda do if I’m honest. I also love the whole pencil skirt and neck scarf vibe too, but obviously the best and most iconic outfit of them all is the Sandra Dee glow up. She nailed it. I’m hoping my first night out after lockdown will hold the same sort of vibe. Might even don a pair of black disco pants, if I can shoehorn myself into them by the end of this.

Anyone else feel like their mental health is up and down like a fucking yoyo at the moment? It’s like I have a few days of feeling good, positive and motivated, and then the days afterwards I feel all over the place. More emotional, defensive, critical of myself.

I compare myself to airbrushed photos of insta models and then spend hours in the mirror contorting myself, imagining what I would like if I were skinnier or had botox or cheek fillers, lip fillers, jaw fillers etc etc. 

I look at people smashing it in their careers and then feel deflated at the fact I’m unemployed.

I get frustrated that I’m not learning a new language, or even wanting too.

I get fed up of feeling fed up, until eventually I reflect on everything that is doing my head in and decide to give myself a fucking break.

Wrinkles and belly rolls, are they really the end of the world? Yeah being unemployed is a fucking ball ache, but at least I didn’t lose my business, house or worse still, a family member. I may not be learning a language, but that doesn’t mean I’m not learning new things about myself, or trying new things.

I think what I am trying to remind myself when I feel like this is, go easy on yourself. You’re doing what you can. You don’t HAVE to be doing something productive with your time. You don’t NEED to be doing ballet on YouTube or French for beginners; you don’t have to do anything at all if you don’t want to.

At the end of the day, what we are going through is unprecedented, stressful and difficult. We are going through a pandemic. Let me repeat that, a PANDEMIC. Being able to get through each day requires hope and determination and that alone is something to be proud of. We can do it!

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